Wedding ministers have to deal with couples whose motivations for marriage run counter to the healthy foundations of relationships. Throughout the process of performing wedding ceremonies in Oklahoma City, Edmond, Guthrie, and Norman, ordained ministers are aware of patterns in the differences between authentic commitments and deeply problematic unions. These eight toxic reasons explain why some people enter marriage in spite of glaring signs of incompatibility and dysfunction. Furthermore, a wedding officiant knows that the success of any relationship depends on the underlying motivation. Understanding these destructive patterns is a great way for couples, wedding photographers, wedding videographers, and concerned families to understand the warning signs before they make these catastrophic decisions. Therefore, the author of this wedding minister piece offers useful insights to help couples seek to get married for healthy rather than toxic desperation reasons.
Trying to Solve Relationship Problems that Exist
Many people mistakenly believe that marriage is a magical pill that is sure to turn dysfunctional relationships into healthy partnerships. A wedding officiant has been witnessing couples hoping that matrimony will eliminate constant arguing, distrust, and dysfunction. The dynamics of relationships, however, increase exponentially with marriage. Moreover, marriage extremely intensifies conflict situations after wedding ceremonies formalize commitment. Furthermore, couples who expect marriage to solve serious problems find the opposite takes place. Therefore, to enter marriage while battling toxicity is almost certain to have catastrophic results. Additionally, relationship experts confirm that couples must seek therapy before marriage, not after marriage. Specifically, an ordained minister knows when couples try to run away from problems through matrimony instead of dealing with them in constructive ways.
Financial Desperation and the Gold-Digging Motivation
Some people enter into marriage just to have access to their spouse’s income, assets, or financial stability. Wedding ceremonies are, at times, a way of concealing calculated financial motivations as opposed to true love. Moreover, when people marry for money, they create marriages based on deception and resentment. Furthermore, financial incompatibility added to mercenary motivations ensures failure of the relationship. Therefore, wedding ministers know when couples talk more about money than emotional connections. Additionally, prenuptial discussions reveal when financial concerns hold the highest priority over relationship foundations. Specifically, marriages meant to overcome financial problems represent marriages headed for catastrophic divorce.
Fear of Being Alone, Driving Marriage Decisions
Loneliness-driven marriages are basically unhealthy constructions for a union. Many people marry simply because they cannot bear solitude and independence. In addition, fear-related commitment decisions tend to lead to regret-filled marriages. Furthermore, people who have not learned self-sufficiency rely upon partners for the completion of their identity. Therefore, a wedding officiant witnesses partners seeking wholeness through matrimony rather than being complete as individuals. Additionally, these marriages often deteriorate when couples cannot meet unrealistic expectations of being “complete.” Specifically, marrying to escape loneliness results in codependent relationships that, by definition, go dysfunctionally.
Giving in to Outside Pressure and Social Expectations
For some couples, the reason they marry largely comes from family, friends, or society expecting them to do so. Wedding ceremonies sometimes symbolize social coercion rather than a voluntary choice of the right path. In addition, when family members force couples to marry, those couples feel bitterness toward their partners as symbols of obligation. Furthermore, long-term dating turning into “obligatory” marriage is an especially problematic motivation pattern. Therefore, we have to ensure that marriage decisions come from internal conviction of commitment, not from external pressure. Additionally, an ordained minister should make it clear that partners are choosing each other freely. Specifically, marriages formed from obligation rather than choice carry an inherent risk of failure.
Unresolved Commitment Phobia / Avoidant Attachment
Some people marry even though they have a high level of commitment resistance and emotional avoidance patterns. These people paradoxically fear both intimacy and abandonment. Moreover, avoidant attachment patterns produce partners who emotionally pull back in moments of vulnerability. Furthermore, commitment-phobic people wreck marriages from within despite outward gestures of commitment. Therefore, unaddressed attachment trauma predicts patterns of failure in marriage. Additionally, a wedding minister understands reluctant or ambivalent behavior from avoidant partners before ceremonies. In particular, those who have unhealed trauma should deal with psychological issues before marriage.
Trying to Change / Fix Dysfunctional Partners
Some people marry believing they will be able to change problematic partners through the love of marriage. Such a savior complex is a particularly dangerous marriage motivation pattern. What is more, partners do not become interchangeable through external force, marriage, or love-driven intervention. Furthermore, people who expect partners to change experience inevitable disappointment and resentment. Therefore, accepting partners as they are in the present moment is essential before marriage. In addition, the wedding officiant provides counseling to couples concerning the unalterable characteristics of partners. Specifically, marriages built on trying to change partners represent unions that are fundamentally headed toward failure.
Unhealthy Patterns of Codependency and Enmeshment
Some couples marry within deeply codependent relationship structures that have no healthy boundaries. These unions put their unhealthy connection first instead of prioritizing individual growth and autonomy. Moreover, codependent marriages do not allow partners to develop their own identities. Furthermore, codependent relationships result in undue emotional dependence that destroys the self-worth of both partners. Therefore, maintaining individual identity while building a partnership is a healthy marriage foundation. Additionally, a wedding minister recognizes excessive dependency as a relationship red flag. Specifically, marriages that focus only on togetherness rather than individuality struggle greatly.
Marrying Partners with Familiar Patterns of Trauma
Some people replay childhood trauma when choosing a spouse. Trauma bonding provokes attraction to dysfunctional relationship dynamics. Further, those from chaotic families unconsciously seek out chaotic mates who imitate familiar dysfunction. Furthermore, these traumatizing marriages continue the pattern of dysfunction over generations. Therefore, healing childhood wounds has to precede productive marriage commitment. Additionally, an ordained minister is aware of the signs when couples show trauma-driven patterns of behavior. Specifically, therapeutic work dealing with childhood patterns should come before marriage ceremonies.
Building Healthier Marriages: Choice
It is good to understand these eight toxic marriage reasons to help couples make an honest assessment of their true motivation. Furthermore, couples should realistically examine whether their marriage motivations include healthy relationship foundations. Additionally, Premarital Counseling with your wedding officiant helps put the relationship on a healthy footing. Therefore, committed couples that are serious about having long-lasting marriages must look very critically at motivations before committing.
Ready to construct a meaningful ceremony? Wedding Officiant Services, Elopement Packages, and Wedding Ceremonies from Lifelong Wedding Ceremonies offer wedding services in the Oklahoma City, Edmond, Guthrie, and Norman area. Our ordained minister provides wedding ceremonies, wedding videography, and professional photography services. Give us a call at (405) 696-6450 or email us at lifelongWeddingceremonies@gmail.com to get your snappier wedding ceremonies witnessing true love.
