Hello, everyone. Today, I’m speaking about something that no bride and groom ever hope will occur: your wedding official comes down sick at the last minute or flat-out does not show up. It’s sort of some apocalypse of wedding-day doom, and I understand you must be fearful. But hold onto your hats, folks, because I do have some real, practical things that you can do so your day doesn’t totally dissolve.
Setting the Situation
It’s a beautiful day, everything is going as planned, and your guests are all sitting quietly waiting. And then the worst – your officiant is now nowhere to be found. First of all, stay calm. While your heart will be pounding, take a deep breath and try to get your head around what is going on. Talk to your wedding planner or coordinator and ask if there’s any update. Sometimes something like this is caused by something as mundane as traffic or communication.
Checking the Officiant’s No-Show
Leap to worst-case scenarios then. Double-check to make sure that it’s not a delay with a twist of fate. Try calling, texting, or asking your coordinator to. If making a few efforts does nothing, it’s time to confront the reality that your officiant canceled. Aggravating though that is, now’s the time to put on action mode.
Executing Emergency Standby Plans
Now that you know the officiant won’t be able to make it, your next action is arranging an emergency backup. Call your guests—your best bet is probably a friend or family member who has been ordained on the computer and legally authorized to perform the ceremony in your state. If you do have someone who will, question them if they can stand in on short notice..
If your first line of friends or family members can’t deal with it, call churches within your vicinity or wedding officiants’ unions. Some non-denominational pastors and ministers in our experience maintain a list of backup names just in case of such a crisis. Call directory listings or your wedding coordinator for a referral on somebody who’ll be happy to step in at the eleventh hour.
Communication is Key
When you’ve had to cancel on your back-up plan, you’ll have to tell all your guests flat out. Tell your visitors that there’s been a last-minute change of plan, but let them know the ceremony will shortly be back on track. You might say: ‘Ladies and gentlemen, hold on for a moment, please. Because of unavoidable circumstances, we’re only making a slight adjustment to our proceedings. Thank you for your tolerance.’ The brief announcement does the trick to calm everybody down.
Fitting the Ceremony Format
Sometimes, though, time won’t permit you to arrange for an emergency officiant before the wedding. If that’s your case, then have the wedding symbolic, not official. You can make an emotional, unofficial vow with your friends and guests prior to the ceremony, and a formal one later at a courthouse or in a small, symbolic ceremony with a duly ordained minister. Your emotional commitment to your wedding is not lost, even if paperwork must be completed.
One Step Ahead of the Law
Remember, the legality of your marriage must be done right. Ensure whoever is doing the officiant is legally ordained in your state. Research the law surrounding signing your license to marry and sign on for all of it. If the ceremony does end up being symbolic, the real one must never be skipped. Double-check at all times with your fill-in officiant and, where possible at all, a legal counselor in order to keep your wedding legal.
Remaining Calm and Forward Thinking
Of course, by now emotions must be running high. You must feel a mix of frustration, worry, and disillusionment. Remember: the day is a day of commitment and dedication. Remember the epiphany that, with all this unwelcome disappointment, most dear to you is your marriage. Attempt to greet the situation with equanimity as part of your own heritage—a page one day to become a cheerful memory for its courage and for determination.
Learning and Preparing for the Future
Each speed bump that comes up on your path in the process is something worthwhile to learn. When you wed, sit down and go over what happened. Sit down and put a stronger backup plan on your future wedding agreements. Ask potential officials in your interviews what they do with their cancellation policies and how they might react in such situations. Let other people know what happened so other unions can be better prepared.
Conclusion: Turning Crisis into a Chapter to Treasure
Also, an eleventh-hour cancellation of your officiant is not the highlight of your wedding day. As a wedding minister, I’ve witnessed how a dash of creativity, open communication, and steadfast backup planning has turned what otherwise could have been a debacle into a fond aside in your love story. Your wedding is about the love you two have, the vows you’re exchanging with each other, and the fact that your loved ones are all gathered. Even if everything isn’t precisely to script, the love in the room isn’t off the rails.
Remember: in case your officiant flakes, stop, regroup, and activate plan B. Inform all the parties involved, make adjustments to ceremony if necessary, and most importantly, hold on to the love that brings you together. Your wedding day is your story—write it with courage, imagination, and joy.Visit us at lifelongweddingceremonies.com or call us at (405) 696-6450.
